Dad: Stay out the road, stay off the path, tis not time to struggle nor do math, first of the morning honeycakes and sweet tea, a puff of fine shire weed and back to bed with me, wake me at nine, for oatcakes and berry wine, then a small nap 'til elevensies, a start so sublime.

Dad: Four pitbulls were attacked in north county earlier today by a mixed gang of carrots, celery stalks and rutabagas. witnesses say the p bulls were minding their own business when a gang of delinquent carrots out of nowhere jumped the dogs. joining in the fracas were the local rasta celery stalks, apparently egged on by the always violent rutabagas. bystanders say the mixed veges tore the hounds up good. the pitbulls say next time they'll toss that salad.